Welcome abet to our series Rembert Explains. Infrequently, 28-year-ragged Rembert Browne will gape a video from the past. Rembert will write down his thoughts as he’s watching the video, then we’ll post those thoughts here. This week is the closing installment, selected by Rembert Browne: “Unleash the Dragon” by Sisqo, from the year 1999. If you happen to can also have faith an idea for a future episode of Rembert Explains, it is sadly too gradual.
(Right here’s now not the main time I’ve written about this video on Grantland. In a single among the early YouTube Corridor of Fame posts [date: October 26, 2011], this used to be my blurb get for “The Worst Tune Movies of All Time.” Feels objective appropriate to scuttle lengthy on it, four fleshy years later.)
0: 02 This video is already extra costly than it must always be. Two seconds in, there has already been the sound of a helicopter, an aerial shot, and an accurate crowd.
0: 08 Why did all of these folk model up for this video? I’ve by no methodology considered so many folks get this kind of defective determination at the the same time.
0: 11 It’s so upsetting that as an replacement of correct doing a music video they tried to get this into a “movie.” Right here’s what occurs within the occasion you can also have faith the “Thong Tune” and then get the green light to release extra singles that had been by no methodology speculated to be singles. Releasing “Unleash the Dragon” after “Thong Tune” is take care of getting suitable at football and then correct assuming you’d automatically be suitable at poetry.
0: 19 Certain, that is a barricade and news crew, for Sisqo. A LOCAL NEWS CREW.
0: 22 What a time.
I prefer to be very certain about one thing: I love Sisqo. He used to be the lead singer of 1 among the most underrated R&B groups of all time, Dru Hill. Every time I gape the video to “5 Steps,” I shout, particularly when THAT DOVE COMES OUT AT THE END AND THEN SISQO KNEELS — LORD LORD LORD.
However this music is inexcusable. And this video fully takes it over the pinnacle, within the sense that maybe he (and all americans fervent) must always have faith long gone to penal complicated as soon as it used to be completed.
0: 25 Other folks in truth brought flags to this Sisqo block celebration take care of it used to be Glastonbury. Unreal.
0: 27 I haven’t considered this video in years, so there are going to be a fashion of Sisqo realities that I forgot existed. Like the chain.
Additionally, WHY THE UNDERSCORE AFTER “DRAGON”? I’m already getting pissed off.
0: 28 Proper as a reminder, it’s nearly been half of a minute and there has now not been any music. Additionally, why are human beings serving to Sisqo positioned on his jackets take care of he’s Jed Bartlet or one thing?
0: 29 Have faith being the recipient of shades from Sisqo and him now not even having a gape at you. Proper fully disrespectful.
0: 37 Sisqo at final sang one thing — “the dragon” — in Sisqovoce. Additionally, he spun a microphone around his finger, which I can’t get a GIF of on myth of it’ll give me a laptop virus.
0: 38 It’s at this point in music history that Sisqo begins one among our finest buildups and then straight lets down humanity take care of we’ve generally ever considered. He hits us with the spoken discover:
What I’m about to discontinuance
I’m obvious no one anticipated
However that’s what I discontinuance
Y’all know me
I’m about to release the dragon
Uh, uh, advance on
0: 55 And then the fall:
Right here I advance
N----s rob me abet
Nothing is funnier than this. I’m sorry. Nothing. I’ve by no methodology considered someone be less intimidating in their most intimidating lifestyles moment than what Sisqo does objective appropriate here. He lost the fight before the minute tag, and there are aloof six extra minutes.
HERE I COME. N----S HOLD ME BACK — I NEED OXYGEN.
Certainly one of the finest substances is the personnel response. They admire it. “GO SISQO WE LOVE YOU” they’re maybe screaming as he berates them with HERE I COME / N----S HOLD ME BACK.
1: 02 I feel take care of that is certainly Ben Carson’s scuttle-to music in karaoke.
1: 03 He has extra lyrics. And now not a single one must always be lost sight of.
Uninterested in holdin’ abet
I’m about to let the streak’ attack
It’s too great. Fun truth: The “Unleash the Dragon” video is the prequel to Crimson Tails.
1: 10 Certainly one of the notes I made in that 2011 blurb about “Unleash the Dragon” used to be referring to the seemingly notion main as much as writing the lyrics: “Sisqo must always claim the N-discover better than 70 times.” Through 70 seconds, he’s very great on tempo:
Bugged out n----s
Thugged out n----s
I don’t in truth care
You all my n----s
And wouldn’t you comprehend it, the personnel loves it. However it’s nearly as if he needs the personnel to utilize him extra seriously, nonetheless they’re now not — PERHAPS CAUSING ANGER THAT MIGHT, IN TURN, CAUSE HIM TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON.
1: 11 In case anybody used to be questioning what characterize worth Sisqo used to be on at the time:
Yep, the answer is, in truth, Def Soul.
1: 16 Sisqo has made it to the refrain, nonetheless he’s aloof so serious. And he’s on his balcony, with his Crimson Tails dancers, singing and dancing, begging the personnel to utilize him seriously. However they acquired’t; the personnel is correct smiling and cheering from below. He’s assuring them, “Y’all n----s gon’ get me / unleash the dragon.” However they’re now not listening. Then he’s all, “I know you don’t in truth wanna / unleash the dragon.” However aloof, they’re correct so gleeful, tickled to be at a Sisqo concert. However what they don’t know — a undeniable truth that Sisqo clearly knows — is that that is better than any traditional concert. The stakes are at an all-time high.
1: 18 The bottom begins to shake, causing all americans to turn out to be a extremely defective actor.
1: 28 The unexpected quakes are getting so defective that Sisqo stops singing. No longer dancing, nonetheless, as he and the Crimson Tails would by no methodology gradual down. No one can in truth know, nonetheless I feel as if the seismic disturbances are a runt of linked to this dragon Sisqo retains talking about.
1: 47 Round this point of the music/video, it gets unnecessarily defective. It’s the purpose when the video fully takes over the music; the commotion of the scene is thrice louder than the lyrics and the music, which is enhanced handiest on myth of Sisqo is barely singing anymore — since, , this video is accurate and all.
1: 56 Right here’s so defective. Sisqo goes three seconds without singing, and then correct screams “OH NA NA NA.” How did this happen. How the hell did this happen?
1: 59 Uh-oh.
This is able to be defective. Additionally, loads of the personnel has been launched to the ground by what the newscaster with the slicked-abet hair is asking “an earthquake.” However I feel a feeling Sisqo is the splendid one who’s thinking, Wait, this might maybe occasionally well well well now not be an earthquake, in which case I in truth can also prefer to unleash the dragon.
2: 08 BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.
THAT’S A DRAGON, LADIES AND GENTS.
3: 10 A fleshy minute goes by of this dragon correct destroying all americans on one metropolis block, stepping on cars and punching constructions while assorted disquieted folk bid, “OH SHIT.” The place’s Sisqo? Very unclear. Is this aloof a Sisqo video? Very unclear. Is there any music left? Very unclear.
3: 12 The handiest thing extra puzzling than a dragon?
Tatyana Ali. Don’t are trying to get sense of it. Proper settle for what has came about. Tatyana Ali is set to be the damsel in hurt for Dragon Sisqo on this seven-minute movie that also can were a Vine.
3: 26 Oh, hi, Sisqo, how nice of you to hitch us for your possess music video — NOW MIGHT BE A NICE TIME TO UNLEASH THE DRAGON, BRUH.
3: 40 What occurs after Sisqo sees Tatyana down by the dragon is the dumbest thing I’ve ever considered. First, Sisqo yells “HEY!” at the dragon as if he’s in Newsies and it’s take care of c’mon, son.
After this dragon-unleash of a terror tactic, the dragon seems to be to be like objective appropriate at him and Sisqo says, “What discontinuance you have faith you studied you’re doing, scaring folk, stepping on cars?”
The dragon breaths on him, launching Sisqo abet to the doorway, and then out of nowhere the music starts all but again and he correct sings “OH NA NA NA.” It’s nearly as if this had been carried out in a single utilize, no script, and all americans had correct been molly-waterboarded.
3: 46 “I know you don’t in truth wanna” —Sisqo, covered in dragon saliva, to the dragon.
4: 11 This dragon, obviously very post-Sisqo, begins to open swinging at him, take care of the gnat that he is. Fortunately for Sisqo, he is de facto suitable at front flips.
4: 41 The next 30 seconds are actually darkish, even by “Unleash the Dragon” standards. After all of this, they’d the nerve to unleash two rap verses by two rappers whom I refuse to look at up, every of whom are wearing snakeskin outfits wrapped in turkey bacon.
And for those of you who are furious by the dragon-tearing-up-the-metropolis discipline, yes, this verse is taking space in a room that the dragon correct destroyed. And no, they don’t appear to be fervent for their security, for the rationale that room assuredly has Cristal.
5: 00 Right here is your five-minutes-in Sisqo-in–The Matrix replace, for anybody aloof in wretched health ample to be reading this:
Right here’s also the moment after I realize that is the finest video of its time. It’s take care of seven totally different nightmares stitched together, delivered to you by the limitless budgets of the gradual ’90s.
5: 20 Sisqo’s doing flips and maintaining off being killed by the dragon, nonetheless I also correct remembered that Sisqo has that belly tattoo. Proper didn’t prefer to scuttle away that out.
Additionally, Sisqo is getting his runt ASS kicked, nonetheless doing it neatly-liked.
That shot by myself tag better than Whiplash.
6: 00 If you happen to hadn’t guessed, Sisqo ends up defeating the particular dragon by unleashing his interior dragon. What, exactly, is his interior dragon? Dancing the dragon to dying.
First he does his heroic moves:
And then he puts on his shades (this time, on his possess).
And then he runs below the dragon, causing it to topple in an alley, the pinnacle.
Certain, that’s how he defeats the dragon and saves the sphere. Like every first-stage boss of a video game, he correct confuses it and it dies. Wow, some dragon Sisqo has interior. Lawful thing he’s so suave when his unlit outfit turns crimson and he turns into the dragon, out-dragoning an accurate dragon. Thank god for Sisqo.
6: 33 What Sisqo does next … correct sit down before you read the subsequent line. It’s in actuality too great, the nerve he has at this moment.
“SISQO. N---- WHAT” —DRAGON SISQO TO THE DEAD DRAGON.
There’s a runt of bit extra within the video, nonetheless it’s basically correct Sisqo calling other dragons “n----s.” I’m so relaxed this dreadful music and this dreadful video came about. With out it, a Third of my lifetime tears by no methodology would have faith left my eyes. Thank you, Sisqo, for repeatedly carrying me to the gates of Valhalla on every occasion I push play on this work of art.